Maybe thats my problem... I haven't found peace within myself. Because, I certainly do not have peace with others. Maybe by learning to accept myself for who and what I am than I could be at peace with myself?... who knows.
But, there are 2 things about me that I find almost impossible to accept.
- My fat ass
I think the only fix to this problem is to fix my body...
How could I possibly find peace with infertility?
I really don't think its possible. Even those fellow infertile women who have been able to have a baby via pregnancy or a baby/child via adoption/surrogacy etc still can not find peace with infertility. The pain of infertility has never gone away for them and I really don't see how it ever could for me either. Of course, if I fix my body I may be able to conceive... thus being no longer considered infertile.
I've always wondered how others find peace when their world is turned upside and in a constant state of chaos...
I find peace in only a handful of things...
- Resting my head on my husbands belly
- Being alone with my thoughts
There is just so much noise surrounding me almost constantly that I can't even come up for air.
Bob Dylan once said "Chaos is a friend of mine". Well, chaos is not my friend.