Friday, October 30, 2009

My BooBoo Boy!

Braxton is now almost 4 weeks old!

He was born Oct 6th weighing in at 5lbs 8 oz, spent 6 days in NICU but is doing great now!
He's so adorable and I just love him.

All the pain, anger, jealousy and bitterness I felt towards my sister and her pregnancy all vanishes when I look at that baby and he wraps his tiny hand around my finger.

It still hurts that he's not mine or that I don't have one of my own but, its gotten easier.
Sure, I've still had some tearful moments especially those little moments when its just him & I and I'm holding him, feeding him and listening to him sleep.

I keep thinking that maybe God is looking down and seeing how good of a Mother I would be and maybe he'll finally bless Dan & I.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Little boy

There is this little boy that is growing inside my sisters womb and I love him already.

Finding out my baby sister was pregnant when we have been trying for so long was a very painful blow to my heart and I won't deny that.

I'll admit that I now feel guilty for feeling the way I felt as I was jealous of her and this baby, angry at God for allowing her to conceive while I've been praying daily for years now for the same thing that she was given so easily.

But, I'll tell you one thing.
I already love this little guy beyond this universe and I will move mountains to protect him and I promise to always chase the boogie man away.

As my sister and baby Braxton have faced several obstacles during her pregnancy I'm just sick with worry but, I know that God will protect my sister and this beautiful baby.

Little man,
as much as I want to see you , cuddle you , shower you with kisses...and of course spoil you rotten... as long as its still safe for you... can you please just stay in Mommy's tummy just a little while longer? No need to rush as you'll have your entire life ahead of you.

Auntie Lou