Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Infertility Poem by Shelley Cross

Infertility Poem
by: Shelley Cross

When do I stop?

When do I realize it's enough?

Why does it have to be me

who has it so tough?

There are many out there

who are evil and cruel.

Yet do You burden them

with an infertility curse?

A 16 year old delivers

a healthy baby boy

then throws him in the garbage

like some old broken toy.

A drug addict

has 3 beautiful little ones

and beats them black and blue

for nothing they have done.

A worn-out woman

with already more than she can bear

sighs dissapointedly

when she sees two lines are there.

God give me one, just one

to cherish all my days

And I promise that to You I'll give

all glory, credit and praise.

Make it stop

this intense longing and fear.

Please give me a child

that I can hold near!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Three Years

Three years of heartache and disapointment...
There are days when I want to shake my fists at the Lord and scream "WHY!?!"
Why should my arms continue to be empty when there are so many children in the world that are being born to women who don't want them!? (or, who can't take care of them)
I know we are not supposed to question God's will...
but, I am angry, hurt and so weary.
I dont know what I'm doing wrong and I've been trying to figure out what it is that God wants us to do...
Everybody and their brother is praying for us... and thank you to those of you that are... that means the world to us.
I know in my heart that God would not have brought us to this trial if he weren't going to bring us through it.
I'm so tired of being reminded every day that I'm not a Mother.. I am nobody's Mother...will I ever be?
I'm trying to gather encouragement from anywhere and everywhere at this point.. just to keep going.
I know that God is with me and he feels the pain in my heart and I know he has a plan for all of us...
But, why do I feel so alone? Why do I feel like God hears and sees my pain yet he doesnt give me answers or lead me down the right path?


Tuesday, February 3, 2009


"Something" or what I like to think is God keeps bringing adoption into my heart..
Especially this past week... all I keep thinking about is wanting to give up trying to conceive our own biological child and just go for adoption.
I know probably most of you are thinking..."how the heck are they going to afford that?" If we adopt through my tribe (or another tribe) basically all you pay is legal fees, finger printing and background check... could be as little as a few hundred dollars or a few grand...Of course we would still have to pass a home study just like in a "normal" adoption.
Of course Danny and I talked about this in length and he knows how heartbroken I get every single month that we dont get good news... and all the stuff I'm putting into my body in order to help us conceive and he knows about the damage it could be doing to my already compromised reproductive system.

Things for us are finally starting to take a turn for the better and we're getting our lives together to start a family... weather I actually do get pregnant or we adopt...
We will be able to provide a child with a stable and loving home... thats all thats important