Saturday, November 20, 2010

What God meant when he gave me infertility

What God meant when he gave me infertility

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." Of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already

Sunday, November 14, 2010

TTC Survey

1. Name of the future mommy to be?: Brandy

2. Name of the future daddy to be?: Danny

3. How long has the future parents been together?:
we met Jan 27th 2006, married July 13th 2006 (second wedding 12.23.2006)

4. When did you start trying to conceive?: Danny & started TTC in Feb 2006

5. What is the hardest part of T.T.C?:
For me personally its seeing babies nearly daily, seeing all my friends and people my age that already have children that are in school and I feel like I'm just getting started

6. What does the future mommy want to have?: I'd love either... I'd like atleast one of each but, I do love little girls so I hope I have atleast one little girl...

7. What does the future daddy want to have?: He's about the same as me... he'd like atleast one of each

8. Is there a certain month or season you'd like to have the baby in?
At this point... I'm not picky at all - like we would have a choice anyways.

9. What are you looking forward to most when you finally conceive?:
Seeing the ultrasound pictures and than finally maybe it would sink in for me... I don't even think a positive pregnancy test could do it for me

10. What has been the best thing about the T.T.C. process?:
Theres not one thing good about it when you've been trying for 5 years, and you have PCOS and hormones all out of wack and sick all the time from the side effects of the medications and the list goes on and on.

11. Pick out any names yet, for when the big day comes?:
I'm obsessed with baby names and have WAY entirely too many baby name books... I guess you could say I collect them...we've picked out:
Arabella Madeleine & Elias Joseph..those are our 2 favorite picks however we have several other "backups"

12. Any certain reason for choosing those names?: Arabella is means answered prayer... its also the name of a character in the Harry Potter serious (didnt know until I already picked the name)... Arabella Figg was the lady that lived next door to Harry and protected him... she was a Squibb. As for Madeleine... I've always loved the name Madeleine and I think it goes nice with Arabella... as for Elias Joseph... that's a family name....Elias is actually a surname/last name in my family... Elias Joseph will be named after my great-great grandfather...his name was Joseph Alejandro Elias... he would probably have the nickname of Eli and Arabella would probably have the nickname of Ari or Bella.

13. Do you know what T.T.C. stands for?: ummm lordy I'd hope so! LOL - lets give it a try.. Trying to Conceive maybe? LOL

14. What things do you do to check for when your fertile?:
Temperature, charting, and a bunch of gross TMI girly stuff

15. Do you use Ovulation Tests?: Sometimes…but because of my PCOS they can give false negatives and false positives…

16. What does the future daddy do to help you with T.T.C. process? He's helped alot and does whatever is asked of him

17. How long do you plan on continuing the T.T.C process?: I don't know that we would ever fully give up. I'm "planning" on giving up when I'm 35 but, we will have to wait and see. And weather we adopt or not we were planning on continuing to TTC.

18. Will you consider In-Vitro or any other type of Infertility medicine?:
I've already used metformin & clomid as well as a ton of herbals... If I had the money I would maybe give IUI or IVF a shot however, I think I'd rather save myself the heartache and just go for adoption.

19. Have you had your pre-conceiveing physical?: uhh yeah we're way past that

20.How many children would you like to have?: I'd be thrilled with 1 if we can ever get to that point but I wouldnt mind many ever God blesses us with.

21.Have you started buying some baby stuff? Yes, I do have some baby clothes but only special things... like alot of boy baseball stuff... and I also have some plus size maternity clothes that are extremely hard to find so I snatched them up!... most of the items I've bought used at garage sales/thrift stores or have been given to me.

22.Any books that you've read that have been helpful?: I've read sooo many books about infertility, PCOS, herbs, adoption etc. too many to list.

23.Is your family and friends supportive of deciding to T.T.C? Most of them do and some think we're crazy... but, its not for them to decide. Some of them have had the nerve to say that we have nothing to offer a baby. Yet again - not for them to decide. Since when did I ask for anybody's opinion anyways? And for that matter - did they ask for someones opinion when they decided to have children? Yeah - I didn't think so.

24. Have you made any BIG changes in your life to help you conceive? I've tried to mostly in my diet, making my marriage stronger and ready for a baby, we bought a house with a perfect room for a nursery.

25.Have you abstained from alcohol and drugs?: This question cracks me up! "Yep, I laid down the crack pipe so I could have a baby" LOL

26.So if you unfortunately do not conceive, then what?: We'll adopt... end of story. I've wanted to adopt long before I knew I would have problems conceiving. Its not an after thought or a second choice for us its just another choice.

27.How much longer do you plan on T.T.C.?: Ummm as said previously probably until I'm 35

28.Are you healthy enough to be pregnant?: I'm trying

29.Do you really think your ready to be a parent?: Is anyone really ready? No, but I do think I'm as ready as I'm gonna get atleast emotionally.

30.Any advice for other woman out there T.T.C.?: Just keep on keepin' on and don't be ashamed... you are not alone.