The Wait Poem

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Infertility a disability?

Thoughts please...

Recently there was a discussion regarding Infertility Treatments and if they should or should not be covered by insurance companies.... and while we're on that subject since its possible that we could be moving towards a united healthcare system...

There have been many people say that Insurance companies/Govt united healthcare should not have to pay for Infertility Treatments because having a child is not a given right. And that they shouldn't have to pay for someone elses problems.

However, in my opinion... if its someones right to NOT have a child ( birth control, abstinence, abortion) than why shouldn't it be another persons right TO have a child? (Given that the person wanting to have a child is a capable adult that would be a good parent).
And for that matter... if insurance companies are paying for birth control and if the united healthcare system has the possibility of paying for abortions... than how is it fair to those that suffer with Infertility to not cover their infertility treatments.

Now, I'm definately not talking about these crazies out there like Nadiya Suleman who was not infertile and just wanted to have a litter of babies... I'm talking about true infertile couples who have done all they can do on their own to conceive with no successes and who have one or more years of trying under their belt.

I also think that if there is the chance of these infertility treatments being covered that there most definately should be a protocol followed... just like the protocols that are in place that (most) Doctors follow... such as... (in this order)
* Trying for 1 year unaided
* Trying with Clomid or other fertility pills for x amount of cycles
* Trying with Clomid or other fertility pills yet upping the dosage
* Trying with Clomid or other fertility pills + injected trigger shots for x amount of cycles
* Trying with IUI (with and without fertility meds)
* Trying with IVF which includes hormone treatments, trigger shots and the whole shabang

Disability is defined by the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 as "a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities."

Well than... shouldn't infertility than be classified as a disability because it is infact a physical AND mental impairment that most definately limits a HUGE life activity... is it not?
If so than shouldn't insurance companies/united healthcare pay?

And while we're on this subject...
lets take a sharp left turn and talk about Adoption laws...
Shouldn't the govt be stepping it up and making it a little less difficult (especially financially) to adopt children within the US? Now I'm by no means saying that they should make it easier for the wanna be "Parent" with a history of sex crimes under their belt to be able to adopt a child... but, theres gotta be a better way than how its working currently.

Please give me your thoughts :)
B*

Infertility Poem

I want to be a mom. But I can't. Instead, I'm a mom wannabe. I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I can't.

Instead, a Doctor, a laboratory and a test tube will try to assist God with our conception. I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see the + sign. I want to cry tears of joy for the news we'd discover. But I can't.

Instead, I cry tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning. I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the 'pregnant glow.' I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I can't.

Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance clothes for next year, "just in case." I try to keep my emotions from going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly. I want to take prenatal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't.

Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met. I want to hear the Doctor say, "You're pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule." But I can't.

Instead, I hear: "I am sorry," "Let's try one more cycle," "Technology is really improving." I want to surprise my parents with a new grandchild. I want to tell my family and friends our good news. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I can't.

Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my life hasn't changed in years. I read When Empty Arms Leave a Heavy Burden. I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks. But I can't.

Instead, I take the injections. I give blood. I watch my eggs grow and pray they fertilize. My embryos are transferred, while my husband watches our conception from across the room. I wait. I pray. I wait for the one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse. I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. But I can't.

Instead, I imagine a crib in the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. We spend our money on Doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an empty bank account. We are left with empty arms. I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't.

Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes. I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I can't.

Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband, which hurts more than I had ever imagined. I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking, "We did it", but knowing that God did it. But I can't.

Instead, I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this. I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon, He will give it to us. I want to be a mom. --- But I can't.

Instead, I am right where God wants me to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status from a mom wannabe . . . to the mom I want to be...

(written by~Alison Kathleen Whitney)

Metformin Manifesto

The Metformin Manifesto

This was originally posted from my friend Kendra on Conception-Obsession.com

The Metformin Manifesto

1. Metformin is not an easy drug to get used to.

There is no two ways about it, Metformin is not the easiest drug in the world to adapt your body to. According to the manufacturer, here are the most common side effects of Metformin, which are more pronounced when you first start taking it.

• nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, or diarrhea at
the start of therapy;
• abdominal bloating or increased gas production; or
• decreased appetite or changes in taste (metallic taste in
your mouth).

Also: Metformin does not usually cause hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). Nevertheless, hypoglycemia may occur in the treatment of diabetes, as a result of skipped meals, excessive exercise, or alcohol consumption. Know the signs and symptoms of low blood sugar, which include hunger, headache, drowsiness, weakness, dizziness, a fast heartbeat, sweating, tremor, and nausea. Carry a non-dietetic candy or glucose tablets to treat episodes of low blood sugar.

There are a number of other side effects people are attributing to Metformin that I cannot find mentioned in statistical study literature about the drug, even in the literature that is supposed to report all the side effects people experience, not just the most common ones. When in doubt, ask your physician, but not everything you will experience while you're on Metformin is attributable to Metformin.

2. Not altering your diet and exercise routine can make Metformin even harder to adapt to.

From the manufacturer's drug information:
Always remember that Glucophage is an aid to, not a substitute for, good diet and exercise. Failure to follow a sound diet and exercise plan can lead to serious complications such as dangerously high or low blood sugar levels.

Especially if you are already insulin resistant, not altering your diet once you are on Metformin can not only make you sick, it can also counteract the Metformin's ability to normalize your insulin levels. Over time, I have seen people have the most amount of success if they reduce the number of carbs and sugary foods they eat. That does not necessarily mean low-carb or an Atkins diet. But if your diet right now consists of cereal for breakfast, a white-bread sandwich and potato chips for lunch, popcorn for a snack and pasta for dinner, you will probably experience a greater degree of discomfort and distress on Metformin. Learning how to integrate healthy protein into your diet, combine protein with carbs, and find appropriate substitutes for white carbs in your diet can go a long way to helping you adjust to the medication.

I really can't say enough about exercise as a way of helping control your insulin. Several studies have found that people who adapted an appropriate diet and exercise routine had a better chance of preventing diabetes even if they didn't take Metformin. Exercise is proven to lower insulin levels for a period of time after your workout is over, and there's a lot regular exercise can do for your mood and stress level, as well as your insulin levels.

3. If you are having a hard time on Metformin, it will probably not last forever. But you may need to experiment with how you take your Metformin so that you find something that works for you.

People tend to have the most problems on Metformin in the first two to three months of therapy. As your body adjusts, you will feel better. That does not mean that you will not occasionally still have days where you feel sick if you eat the wrong thing or just have a bad day. Experiencing some amount of discomfort is not out of the ordinary. In this way, the side effects from Metformin are no different than the other discomforts we all have to bear in this life. If the Metformin helps you get pregnant, there will be a whole other set of discomforts and inconveniences you will have to bear, but those will seem pretty insignificant in comparison to what you're getting in return. I looked at the side effects I had to put up with from Metformin the same way I would look at my pregnancy nausea - it's something I have to tough it through to get to my goal. Bear in mind that if you are taking 1500mg, the minimum therapeutic dose for PCOS, you are actually taking MORE Metformin than the standard therapeutic dose diabetics are advised to take, which is 1000mg. So your side effects may be more intense than those of people you know who are taking it purely for diabetes treatment.

However, if you're having problems, experiment with how you're taking it. Some things I have seen people try that have worked:
• Taking it with milk. "Milk" and "dairy products" are not the same - taking it with yogurt may cause you problems, it seems to with a lot of people
• Taking it after meals (people have greater success if they take it after lower-carb meals, but salad usually does not combine well with Met.)
• Taking it in between meals, if taking it after meals doesn't work
• Drinking more water
* Taking it right before bed
• Experimenting with giving up certain foods, even if they are your favorite foods. Some people find that they need to cut out foods that don't even seem like they should cause problems, like salad. It might be helpful to keep a diary of what you're eating and what your gut does that day, so you can pinpoint what the problem may be.
• Switching to Metformin XR, which has fewer side effects for many people (some doctors don't think it's as effective as regular Metformin though)

4. In my experience, Metformin usually works only as well as the effort you put into it.

I did not get pregnant on Metformin until I took the dose that offered me the most therapeutic benefits in a consistent way over a period of several weeks. When I would take it inconsistently (at different times of day), skip doses, take different doses on different days, and generally not be disciplined about how I took it, it did not have that therapeutic of an effect for me. Most of the people I know from boards and IRL who have gotten pregnant on Metformin did so when they were regimented about their therapy. If you take the Metformin haphazardly, you may not experience the same good results you would get if you took it more consistently.

5. Metformin is, currently, the best and most thoroughly researched treatment for PCOS.

Metformin is far from perfect. The side effects are not pleasant. However, right now there's no other treatment for PCOS that has been proven to be as effective. Metformin has three big advantages:
• It's been researched in hundreds of controlled studies that demonstrate its effectiveness.
• It's been safely used in Europe for over 40 years, even though it's only been approved for use in the United States for about 10 years or so.
• It's a Class B drug, meaning it is not known to cause any birth defects and is generally regarded as safe for pregnancy by many doctors.

The two new Metformin substitutes, Actos and Avandia, do show promise as PCOS treatments. However, their long-term safety and safety in pregnancy has not been established, and it's also not been determined that they are as effective as treating PCOS as Metformin is. My opinion is that those studies are coming, but until then many doctors are going to be reluctant to prescribe Actos and Avandia for PCOS treatment.

If you have a great deal of difficulty on Metformin, and can't seem to get adjusted to it no matter how long you're on it or how you take it, you may need to talk to your doctor about other options. However, and this is just my opinion, not taking anything to treat your PCOS shouldn't be one of those options. PCOS increases risks for a lot of very unpleasant health conditions, including:

• Development of full-blown Type II diabetes (somewhere around 70 percent of people will develop Type II diabetes within 10 years of their PCOS diagnosis). Long-term Type II diabetics are at risk for a number of health complications, including diabetic neuropathy, limb amputation, blindness and other bad things if their diabetes is poorly controlled.
• Increased risk of heart disease and stroke
• Continuing reproductive complications aside from infertility, including increased risks of cancer of the uterus, breast and ovaries. Continued cycle irregularity can increase your risk of needing a hysterectomy to control abnormal tissue growth inside the uterus (endometrial hyperplasia).

If you become pregnant and are not on Metformin, and do not continue to take Metformin for at least several weeks after pregnancy is confirmed, the statistics regarding pregnancy success are not encouraging:
• A couple of different studies have found that in PCOSers not medicated with Metformin, the miscarriage rate ranged from 45-60 percent.
• PCOSers with uncontrolled hyperinsulinemia have about a 60-80 percent chance of developing gestational diabetes when they do become pregnant.
• If you are a PCOSer with high LH (lutenizing hormone), you should be aware that LH is embryotoxic and can kill a dividing fertilized egg. Your LH is not supposed to be high in the luteal phase of your cycle, and the two conditions - pregnancy and elevated LH levels - are more or less incompatible, as was proved in a Japanese study several years ago.
• High insulin levels during pregnancy have been linked not only to pregnancy loss, but also to an increased risk of birth defects.

Metformin therapy has a lot of benefits, as you can see. It is not a perfect therapy, but it is the best one we have right now. I can assure you that once you become pregnant, the discomforts you had to cope with on Metformin will seem very insignificant.

I hope this information helps. Good luck to everyone!

My BooBoo Boy!

Braxton is now almost 4 weeks old!

He was born Oct 6th weighing in at 5lbs 8 oz, spent 6 days in NICU but is doing great now!
He's so adorable and I just love him.

All the pain, anger, jealousy and bitterness I felt towards my sister and her pregnancy all vanishes when I look at that baby and he wraps his tiny hand around my finger.

It still hurts that he's not mine or that I don't have one of my own but, its gotten easier.
Sure, I've still had some tearful moments especially those little moments when its just him & I and I'm holding him, feeding him and listening to him sleep.

I keep thinking that maybe God is looking down and seeing how good of a Mother I would be and maybe he'll finally bless Dan & I.

-Lou

Little boy

There is this little boy that is growing inside my sisters womb and I love him already.

Finding out my baby sister was pregnant when we have been trying for so long was a very painful blow to my heart and I won't deny that.

I'll admit that I now feel guilty for feeling the way I felt as I was jealous of her and this baby, angry at God for allowing her to conceive while I've been praying daily for years now for the same thing that she was given so easily.

But, I'll tell you one thing.
I already love this little guy beyond this universe and I will move mountains to protect him and I promise to always chase the boogie man away.

As my sister and baby Braxton have faced several obstacles during her pregnancy I'm just sick with worry but, I know that God will protect my sister and this beautiful baby.


Little man,
as much as I want to see you , cuddle you , shower you with kisses...and of course spoil you rotten... as long as its still safe for you... can you please just stay in Mommy's tummy just a little while longer? No need to rush as you'll have your entire life ahead of you.

love,
Auntie Lou

Googlism for: brandy

http://www.googlism.com/

check out the 2nd one... "brandy is going to be a mom" isn't that somethin'..Lord I hope so.